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Discuss. Comments welcome!

Hmmm... A very interesting beginning. Really like the backstory of the coming about of the Federation and a "United Milky Way." I can't help but wonder if this story is going to be following the war itself with no real specific characters or if the individual characters will come later? I think either way it will be great. Thanks for writing it Fiferguy can't wait to read more.

Cougar2k2 wrote:Hmmm... A very interesting beginning. Really like the backstory of the coming about of the Federation and a "United Milky Way."

It's not really a united Milky Way--just no open warfare among the five races. The humans and Alfari are friends, but the other races (that you haven't really seen yet ) just kind of exist in a "live and let live" way. We'll see some more of the interaction later on.

Okay, took me a bit to read. I kept having to stop and clear my head.

The background information is well developed, but is most of that necessary? It looked like you wanted to explain all the facets of history leading up to the Alliance, but the majority was excess that could be explained by characters in dialog.
Having a history for your setting is good. Using nearly the entire chapter to explain things that your characters already know or are familiar with, unless it becomes a major part of the plot, tends to eat up space without story advancement.
Smaller sections of story history could be included as starters for your chapters and eliminate the large block filler eating up chapter 1.

Now back to the question I had yesterday.
This is a science question, and you don't need to answer it, but I would appreciate your reasoning. And here is a bit of help for map effects, not quite so severe as described, but good job on them, it was about what would happen.

hermit-bob wrote:Now back to the question I had yesterday.
This is a science question, and you don't need to answer it, but I would appreciate your reasoning.
The story says that the water level rose 10 meters above norm due to melting of the ice caps, how?
All ice and snow locking up free water on earth only makes up 1.7% the total volume of water on the planet, one-third is actually ice displacing it's weight, not volume, in water.

Actual estimates from the papers I read range from 55 to 75 meters of sea level rise if ALL the ice were to melt. Some papers even suggested that it could exceed the 100m mark. Being that the characters in the story are dealing with a very disjointed and incomplete history of the time (much like our history of the Dark Ages), the 10 meter rise is based on an incomplete and unknown history.

hermit-bob wrote: And here is a bit of help for map effects, not quite so severe as described, but good job on them, it was about what would happen.

It doesn't go to a high enough number to be of any use.

Why then, did I include the history? Number 1, when I write about events in the future of Earth, or things that happen on Earth in an alternate reality, I like to give a background as to why things are the way they are in the story. It's a personal thing. I feel the reader has a better understanding about what is going on and why if they understand what the characters understand.

Second, it lets me set up some of the physics involved in the story itself--for instance, hyperspace speed is going to be important in this story (as it would be in real life), and so is hyperspace in general. In the story, they've only been able to go in hyperspace for 500 years or so, and there is still a LOT they don't know. Also going to be important.

Third, it's my doomsday prediction about what could happen if we don't take care of our planet. Just a worst case scenario kind of thing.

And finally, because I'm the author and I can.

I like the story so far. I hope you keep it up.

One niggle though from this chapter:
[quote]At the end of the turmoil caused by the First Great Ice Melt, mankind was in ruins.  Before the Great Ice Melt, mankind numbered over ten billion.  After the War of Ruin, and during the ensuing nuclear winter, the population of the planet was reduced almost ninety percent.  A scant two hundred million people remained on the planet, and they were reduced to a level of subsistence living that hadn’t occurred since before mankind could farm.  Farming itself was next to impossible, as the use of nuclear arms poisoned the water and soil to the point that nothing would grow.  A further one hundred million would die of starvation and disease.[/quote] You might want to check your math: 10% of 10 billion = 1 billion. It doesn't spoil the story in any way, for me, but you might want to drop the 90% or correct it.

I think the chapter might be a little backwards. It might make more dramatic sense to open with a battle, and then have the history lesson. And a minor note on First Contact situations...

http://www.projectrho.com/rocket/aliens.php:
We ask that you try just one more thought experiment. Imagine yourself taking a stroll through Manhattan, somewhere north of 68th street, deep inside Central Park, late at night. It would be nice to meet someone friendly, but you know that the park is dangerous at night. That's when the monsters come out. There's always a strong undercurrent of drug dealings, muggings, and occasional homicides.

It is not easy to distinguish the good guys from the bad guys. They dress alike, and the weapons are concealed. The only difference is intent, and you can't read minds.Stay in the dark long enough and you may hear an occasional distance shriek or blunder across a body.

How do you survive the night? The last thing you want to do is shout, "I'm here!" The next to last thing you want to do is reply to someone who shouts, "I'm a friend!"

What you would like to do is find a policeman, or get out of the park. But you don't want to make noise or move towards a light where you might be spotted, and it is difficult to find either a policeman or your way out without making yourself known. Your safest option is to hunker down and wait for daylight, then safely walk out.

There are, of course, a few obvious differences between Central Park and the universe.
There is no policeman.
There is no way out.
And the night never ends.