Sennadar Forums

Okay, here's chapter one, a tad short, but it was the end of a particular period in Tor's life - it was also a continuation of the background to his life. (Oh yeah, there's some dialect - all I can suggest is to pronounce the words as they look.)

GBLW / kp

Thanks mate, looking forward to reading it but just wondering... is it Thor or Tor?

a particular period in Tor's life

Legally, it's Thor, because the lady who registered his birth was English - to him, his friends and his family, it's TOR!

It's a Swedish name.

GBLW

good chapter m8
thanks

ham

I think I like where this is going!

-DigitalMaestro

Please note, I screwed up and originally uploaded the unedited version of chapter 1 - I discovered the problem and uploaded the corrected version about four hours later.

Sorry, I'm going to have to be more careful to delete unedited versions in the future -- as soon as I have the edited version at hand and before doing an upload.

GBLW

Thanks for the post. I will read it on my lunch hour.

crxbnt

I like this! The writing is quite good and the story is starting go unfolding nicely. I'm very curious. When I read it at first I thought it's the Germanic version of Percy Jackson.

If you'd take my remarks, not criticizing by any means. Go easy with the repetitions, try different phrasing; don't marginalize the details; and don't over-explain what the reader can figure out anyway - spoils the fun.

Metatrone wrote:If you'd take my remarks, not criticizing by any means. Go easy with the repetitions, try different phrasing; don't marginalize the details; and don't over-explain what the reader can figure out anyway - spoils the fun.

Ahha - a new reader of my stories who does not recognize my normal writing pattern, which is:
1. Prologue or initial chapter - introduce protagonist and create basic situation.
2. Next chapter - allow protagonist to either a) solve initial problem, b) complicate problem, or c) restate problem and add twist. (basically allow the reader to yawn, lean back, relax and say; "I know where this is going, the character is a Nutcase!")
3. Following chapter - Allow protagonist to ... (Oh, this hasn't been posted yet and I'd be giving away the plot. )

Let's just say that my plots are often known for the descriptive term "turned him every which way but loose."
By the way, I LIKE cliffhangers, so keep pitons and a rope handy.

Oh, by the way, this might just be getting a touch close to a spoiler, so perhaps if you respond it might be better in the discussion area, don't you think?

GBLW

Pretty good so far. It seems like it's going to be a good novel. I agree with you that the chapters are a little short, but since you pointed it out, you're probably going to lengthen them already. lol
On minor authors opinion (lol), that you're repeating things going through his head and such is a good thing, it shows where is mind is, and his thought processes. But you might want to work on how you write it in. That way it won't affect the flow or continuity of the story. I'm speaking from experience here, since I have to read my chapters when I'm done writing them, to see if I zig-zagged my own flow. I hope you don't take my suggestion on top of Metatrone's as ganging up on you.

later

Where do I down load the beginning chapters. Seems there is no link to the chapters. Am I in the wrong location?

Thanks Tom

Finally figured it out now I will sit back and enjoy.