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Well chapter one reminds me of Anne McCaffrey's Crystal singer. And somewhat like the Recluce apprentice series. Hopefully you find them to be good comparisons.

I like it a lot Fel.

Thanks

J-Man5

great beginning the to what i think could a promising tale worthy of the superb Fel
so keep 'em comin i like already

J-Man5 wrote:Well chapter one reminds me of Anne McCaffrey's Crystal singer.

Somewhat similar idea; though the crystal singers had normal tech, they just used crystals for things that couldn't be done in a standard way. This universe seems to use them for everything above the tech level of a candle.

J-Man5 wrote:And somewhat like the Recluce apprentice series.

Is that the series with the order/chaos split in magical power? We know ahead of time that Fel wants to take thisin that sort of direction; pit the two sources of power against each other. He said as much in the intro in the general forum.

J-Man5 wrote: Hopefully you find them to be good comparisons.

I like it a lot Fel.

Thanks

J-Man5

I like it too; Fel's worlds are always interesting, and this one seems to have the makings of a good story in it.

Haven't noticed this mentioned anywhere?

Towards the start of Chapter 1 you find ...

-----
of it, and headed for the Three Boar Tavern.
Aven was sitting at his customary place in the tavern,
[...]
The barkeep here was unusual in town in that he refused to emply Arcans in his inn. He hated them with a passion, and always gave a free tankard of ale to any new face that showed up wearing Arcan fur. “Aven!” he called excitedly. “I got off early! Are you ready to go?”
-----

but towards the end ...

-----
It was different. Kyven went to the Three Boars and sat at a table near the fireplace, with a tankard of ale in front of him, lost in thought.
[...]
“Then I’ll wait,” Virren told him, then waved as Kyven left the bar.

Virren leaned back in his chair, then waved to the Arcan barmaid, a slender mink whom the innkeeper kept naked to tease the patrons, wearing only a waist apro
-----

Unless the "Three Boar Tavern" is a different place to the "Three Boars" then this would seem to be a discrepancy.

Nice start to the story though, thanks Fel

Ian

That's one of those typos that the spellchecker won't catch.

I'll fix it so they match, thanks for the catch there.

Fantastic work, as always.

I did notice once or twice that you wrote "Kit" rather than "Kyv" ... probably just your fingers not doing what your brain is thinking.

Fel wrote:That's one of those typos that the spellchecker won't catch.

I'll fix it so they match, thanks for the catch there.

I think he was more pointing out that the Bar owner who refused to emply Arcans early in the chapter suddenly has an Arcan barmaid, and cook.

heh, woops. Well, the one that doesn't use Arcans is a different bar which you see in chapter 2, called the Crystal Chimes.

Guess I got my notes mixed up when I wrote out the chapter. I'll correct it on my master file...sorry about that.

Fel wrote:heh, woops. Well, the one that doesn't use Arcans is a different bar which you see in chapter 2, called the Crystal Chimes.

Guess I got my notes mixed up when I wrote out the chapter. I'll correct it on my master file...sorry about that.

Chapter 2!?? Drools* Give me Give Me GIVE ME GIVE ME GIVE ME!!!!

So has anybody else come to the thought that maybe the fox is the spirit of his dead mother? Just a thought. Time to start the wild speculation.

Not likely, as while the fox did show up when his mother died, the wolf Arcan recognized the spirit and had a name for her.

Although, I do believe that Aven's mother had the potential to be a Shaman as well, and her death triggered or transferred to Aven the Shaman abilities.

And her death wish was probably for the Shadow Fox to watch over her child.

The main character having such an affinity to crystals, will probably have the ability to create any type of crystal he wants, even white and black. This is going to cause him problems in the future when people find out what he can do.

giddiani wrote:The main character having such an affinity to crystals, will probably have the ability to create any type of crystal he wants, even white and black. This is going to cause him problems in the future when people find out what he can do.

Shaman's can't create White Crystals. This is for some unexplained reason that will be explained in later chapters when Kyv gets his basic training. This can be seen in this quote:

“That makes sense. So, I could make crystals?”
“It’s possible. Not all Shaman can do it, though, and not all Shaman can make all kinds of crystal. Stalker can’t make blue or green crystals. Clover can’t make black crystals. Coldfoot can only make red crystals. None of them can make white crystals.”

Though you may be right that he can make white crystals because to his affinity of crystals in general. It would certainly give a real twist in the story.



Mysterious

Hmmmm.... After the third chapter it appears that your young man Kyv is going to be putting Tarrin to shame. Talk about brutal, our ETA (Evil Twisted Author) appears to be pulling out all the stops.

Hehehehe I say go for it.

D.F. Thompson wrote:Hmmmm.... After the third chapter it appears that your young man Kyv is going to be putting Tarrin to shame. Talk about brutal, our ETA (Evil Twisted Author) appears to be pulling out all the stops.

I actually have to say that didn't seem very brutal. The opposite, in fact. That was a quick, clean kill. The fire to cover his tracks was a very simple, yet effective tactic. Brutal in intent? Yes. But in action? Not really. At this point, Kyven has nothing on Tarrin. Guile and deception is on the opposite end of the spectrum as brutal. Kyven, at this point, is looking to become one hell of an assassin. Especially with the Shadow Fox as his totem...

Though I agree with the whole ETA bit.