kal wrote: Sat Jan 02, 2021 2:49 amim sorry for your loss. At least your mom got one last holiday with all of you.
Agreed.
my grandparents all passed the same way. Alert one day, gone the next. the hospice my grandmother was in said that is very common.
One of my grandmother's passed less than a week shy of the 21st anniversary of her husband's death. She also is one for the "abrupt change" category. At the retirement home she was at, she'd evidently gone down for breakfast that morning and had a nice chat with some of her friends there and went back to her room as per her normal routine. When my sister's family showed up about 90 minutes later, they found her sitting peacefully in her rocking chair.
What can a person say.
Condolences for your loss.
Prayer for you and your loved ones.
Hope that you will be able to remember the good times the two of you had.
Wish for a better future where medical science will be able to treat cancer, and other medical issues that are hard to correct today, with a quick diagnosis and swift treatment to correct the condition.
Nothing lasts forever. All life ends; immortality does not exist in this reality.
Thus, the process of dying becomes in some ways more significant than the death itself; death will occur in the end.
That your mother was herself, and able to interact with others in a meaningful way for all concerned until the end, is a wonderful thing.
My maternal grandfather, my mother, and one maternal uncle all had severe Alzheimer's...I'm all too aware of what it can be like to have someone linger on after they can no longer remember who anyone is that they are in contact with, and after they have forgotten much, if not all, of what made life significant to themselves, if not to others.
Death ends the physical pain the individual is experiencing.
In some cases that may not have been a part of their lives for very long, in others...
My father was hit by a car when he was 10, eventually leading to a right leg below the knee amputation 10 years later; he didn't have a day without significant pain from 1935 until when he died in 2001 at 75 years of age.
It doesn't change that you mother is no longer with you, that you can't chat with her about stuff, and just be happy in each others presence.
Mourn her passing, and remember the good things about her life and your interactions with her.
To the extent possible, give yourself time to adjust, to process what has happened.
A tradition that my family has for the passing of a family member might help you and you sister.
Gather pictures, art, clothes, cookie cutters, holiday decorations, letters, gardening tools,
basically anything that contains a story of who your mom was, what did she like, how she lived her life
then gather friends and family, just two or ten, or as many that will come, begin to tell the small stories of her life, how she made meals, how she kept her garden, what music she liked, go until the stories fill you with her life, until the grief is displaced for a while.
Leave the objects displayed, look and remember the connected stories so when grief overwhelms, some small item will trigger a smile, a memory, a tale
their story is our legacy, the base form which our stories begin
We, your many friends here, know she started a great story and teller of stories in you.
So Sorry to hear such news, I am doing the home health care for my mom right now, she has alzheimers, and forgets yesterday so every new thing that she has experienced, will be new again tomorrow. I am saddened by you mothers passing, and can relate to unsure feelings about her death, sometimes I wonder how much more she can endure and yet wholeheartedly wish for her to do so, is my wish a selfish one, sometimes the ending is better to come quickly, she would be greatly disheartened in the past to see herself today. My love and prayers go out to you who has suffered alongside one you so dearly loved. May your turmoil pass gently.
