Paypal freak-out!

[Fel]

Seriously. I appreciate and am truly touched that people care, but I no longer feel comfortable with this. I've never written with the expectation of payment, and now things are getting a little out of hand, at least from my point of view.

I also didn't ask for any donations when June decided to kick me in the nether regions, I was just gonna roll with it and suck it up, but you guys decided to lend a hand, and now I'm in something of a moral quandary.

I've received two donations for over $400. TWO. And a large number of much smaller donations. There is now $1500 in my Paypal account, and I'm almost terrified to touch it.

I'm astounded by your generosity, and the money I've received will now pay for the repairs to my house and pay to have the tree cut down literally without a single penny out of my pocket with money left over...and that's what disturbs me. I feel very, very...weird about this. Humbled, ingratiated definitely, but also weirded out.

So, that being said, please, please please PLEASE don't donate any more money.

Yes, I just said that.

Anyone who's been here for any amount of time knows that while I have a paypal, I don't ask for donations. I've asked for postcards tons, but I've never asked for a single donation. Ever. Even when I created the paypal (and you can read it in the paypal post) I was very reluctant to even start with the idea, but at that time I just couldn't pay to renew the domain, so paypal was my only real option. Ever since then, it's been used primarily to pay for the registration of the site's domain and to pay for any hosting/storage/maintenance costs that first Spec and then Grey might incur hosting the website and the forums. And I admit that once, it helped fix my car when it blew up on me and I was in a very bad spot, a fact I never revealed to anyone because I almost felt like I was stealing the money.

It's your generosity that keeps this site up, and it's all I've ever asked for. And the money you donate to the paypal doesn't feel like it's MINE, it feels to me that it belongs to the site itself. Taking that money for my own use almost feels like I'm stealing it, at least to me.

And while I cannot even begin to describe how humble I feel at your generosity, anything further you donate isn't going to help me fix my house, it's just gonna sit there and scare the hell out of me because it's money that I feel...well, feel like isn't really mine.

So please, you've donated enough. I don't need anymore. What's in the account now will renew the account for a LONG time, even after I fix my house.

And while that may sound a little heavy handed and ungrateful, also know this:

THANK YOU for your generosity and for your concern. Truly, it touches me deeply.

Now kindly stop giving me money.

[nicolai]

Fel, if I were to use PayPal to send you the money I feel I owe for what you've given me (us), that balance would more than double. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately from your point of view, I don't have the money to send, nor am I ever likely to.

You have no idea how much your writing has meant to me. Please don't stop.

[TLGG]

I'm going to sound like a bit of an idiot. I haven't made a donation because I've gone from unemployed student straight to unemployed graduate, but I've always felt I should. The simple reason is that your effort have me uncountable hours of delicious entertainment, and since my corner of the world is kinda distant from yours, paypal would be the comfortable way, as a way of trying to give something back, or a recognition of the effort I've benefitted from. I wish I could be a position to do so, and while I haven't done much of anything to show it, I definitely understand the why.

[Wolfee]

Sorry to hear folks have made you uncomfortable in they're attempts to show you they're appreciation for your stories. I think it is something ingrained in certain groups to want to give value for value. I for one would love for you earn some of my cash. Any chance once you are done with the Inception book you would be open to editing/proofing and self-publishing on Amazon your books? If we work with you to do one book at a time of the Sennadar series. I don't believe it would take all that long. I would most definitely pay 5-6 bucks per book, especially if proof read and converted to Kindle format. Given how much entertainment I personally have gained from reading and re-reading the books/chapters, its only fair you give me/us a chance to buy them, edited and proof read of course. Thus showing you the author our heart-felt enjoyment with an exchange of cash. That a long with a heartless "When will the next book be proof ready for reading" as if you didn't have a real life to keep on track! LOL

[zedd]

Hello,
As I see it, when we donate money to you we don't place limitations on its use. It's yours to do what you want, when you want. If it helps you then it's great. Others might not agree with with me, and as a disclaimer, I'm not one of the big donors .

Regards

[Fawks]

Maybe its just the start of a 30 year retirement plan, Fel. Keep writing and watch it grow.

[reborn]

Was actually going to donate some money in the next couple of weeks.

Will be going from a poor student to a well paying job next month. Your books have been a nice and welcome distraction on many many occasions.
I could send you a postcard from London if post up your address!

Thanks
Ze

[somni]

I can't speak for anyone else who donated, but I donated 150 because I felt that was what I could afford to donate at the time. I put it aside for just that purpose...books! I have read 8 of the fire staff books, 6 of the Subjugation, and Kit which i figure to be 2 solid books. That is 16 books I would have gladly paid 9 bucks for each...easily. So i figured the worth of the books I've gotten was around 144 bucks. I rounded up We are the lucky ones for getting them for free. I'm just in a position now to donate money to continue the process.

I'm sure everyone else who gave money feels the same way I do. Spend it on anything you need to keep writing and living healthy so you can continue to do it for decades more! Car repair, house repair, new computers, health cost, food, ...anything!

Thank you again for all your great work. I hope everyone continues to donate what the can, and know it is just our way of thanking you. We wouldn't do it otherwise. Use the money!

P.S. If you want to put the money directly back into the writing...hire a artist for covers, designs of ships, tech, and sketches of aliens. Hire an editor or someone to put it all together and publish it on amazon. Hire a graphic artist to design an interactive galactic map for a site for readers to explore the universe that you created. *Shrug*

[zooplbr]

Son you have absolutly no idea how much the words that you share mean to us...a bright spot in what can be thought of as a rather dark world!
Thanks for sharing your toys with the rest of us!

[nicolai]

Was actually going to donate some money in the next couple of weeks.

Will be going from a poor student to a well paying job next month. Your books have been a nice and welcome distraction on many many occasions.
I could send you a postcard from London if post up your address!

Thanks
Ze

Just go here. Snail mail addy.

[Fawks]

I'm sure everyone else who gave money feels the same way I do. Spend it on anything you need to keep writing and living healthy so you can continue to do it for decades more! Car repair, house repair, new computers, health cost, food, ...anything!

Thank you again for all your great work. I hope everyone continues to donate what the can, and know it is just our way of thanking you. We wouldn't do it otherwise. Use the money!

P.S. If you want to put the money directly back into the writing...hire a artist for covers, designs of ships, tech, and sketches of aliens. Hire an editor or someone to put it all together and publish it on amazon. Hire a graphic artist to design an interactive galactic map for a site for readers to explore the universe that you created. *Shrug*

DITTO!!!

[Fel]

Well, if anything, your responses do make me feel better.

Like I said, I didn't want to sound ungrateful, I just didn't want people to think that I was gonna suddenly turn into one of THOSE online writers. You know the kind I'm talking about. Call me weird, but your opinion of my as a writer matters very much to me, and I didn't want you to think that I was going greed mode on you.

I also didn't expect people to be so passionate about sending me donations because they believed in supporting the site and my writing. That touched me guys. Really. And to be completely honest, I really didn't think my work was so good that people would send me money just because they thought I deserved it. That was a major WOAH moment for me.

And to repeat, yes, I very much appreciate you guys' kindness and generosity. Thanks to you, I'll be able to get everything done and not eat ramen noodles for the next year trying to pay for it.

So, let me clarify my stance a little now that I've had so much public and private feedback. I neither need nor ask for donations, and I will never, ever solicit donations on this site. My work will ALWAYS be released free of charge on this forum. But, if you feel so strongly about my work that you feel the need to donate, then I will accept them humbly and with a little more grace than I've shown so far.

As many of you have figured out, I'm a rather complicated individual. Anyone that likes My Little Pony and theoretical physics with equal passion cannot possibly be entirely normal.

And again, all of you, thank you. Thank you for your concern, your support, and for your devotion to my little hobby. I can only hope that I can make my future work live up to the donations I've received.

To reflect this, I'll be changing the subject title of this thread to make it sound less ungrateful, because that was never my intent. That was just my reaction to getting far more in donations than i ever expected, or felt I deserved.

[Fel]

Was actually going to donate some money in the next couple of weeks.

Will be going from a poor student to a well paying job next month. Your books have been a nice and welcome distraction on many many occasions.
I could send you a postcard from London if post up your address!

Thanks
Ze

James Galloway
3621 Skyview Drive
Huntington WV 25701

I like postcards with scenic pictures and locations on them to show where they came from, but any postcard will be happily accepted! If you can get a postcard of that giant ferris wheel in London, that'd majorly rock. I have one of Big Ben and the Parliament building.

[reborn]

Ah you mean the London Eye. Next time i head central i'll go buy one.
I probably have one lying about at my parents place.

[SHALIK_TEX]

I know I'm late chiming in on this topic but does anyone else see the resemblance between Fel's reluctance to using money (royalty payments) received, not on his request but as a nice side effect of something he has created, and Jason's reluctance in Subjugation to use the royalty payments received from the Imperium. Ok, I am reading Subjugation again for the umpteenth time and it just kinda struck me as.....WOW. Fel, though you did not ask for donations they are there. They are there for you to use in whatever you need. There was no stipulations placed on the donations by us your readers. Nor do I think was there ever an expectations by us you readers on how you would use the money. I believe I can speak for everyone when I say if you had your books in printed form, and we could purchase them. Not only would they be on the New York Best Seller list for just sheer volume of sales, but your pocket book would be lined many times over in royalty payments from those sales. You in my opinion are a gifted writer and I am honored to be able to read your work anytime I want. So use the money for what you need and want, and know you are doing it with the donators blessings.. Ok that is all I had to say.